


Years

by Jojora



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jojora/pseuds/Jojora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: Can you do something where Connor and Oliver run into each other after years apart? With all your usual amazing angst, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this prompt for awhile, because I really wanted to write it but was struggling to figure out how. I think I've finally found an angle I like though, so hopefully you all will too!
> 
> Edit: This is a multi-chapter fic, I just forgot to check the box originally.

Oliver Hampton hardly ever thought about Connor Walsh anymore. At least, that’s what he liked to tell himself. After all, it was pathetic to admit to people that you still haven’t completely gotten over a relationship that ended over 3 years ago, even if it was a relationship with the hottest guy you would ever possibly get the chance to be with and that involved the best sex you could ever imagine. 

But Oliver didn’t still think about those things. He didn’t lose interest in every guy he met within a couple weeks because they all paled in comparison to Connor. He just hadn’t found anyone who was his type lately.

For example, this guy was an accountant, and that was just a boring job. And he didn’t have any facial hair, and Oliver liked facial hair. He didn’t want a full on beard, just something neat and trim, like Connor had. But that didn’t mean Oliver was comparing him to Connor, it just meant that he knew what he liked and this guy didn’t have it. 

It was another awkward date with someone he had met online, because other than Connor Walsh, no decent looking guys ever seemed to be willing to approach Oliver at a bar. (Not that he was thinking about Connor or anything). 

Okay, so maybe Oliver still thought about Connor from time to time, or maybe he still thought about him a lot. At least it didn’t hurt so much anymore though. Oliver truly didn’t still cry over Connor. He had sewn up the wounds and the scars had faded over time. Now Connor was just a nostalgic memory. The one that got away.

And after an hour of being forced to listen to this guy drone on about his accomplishments while hardly letting Oliver get a word in, it was hard not to miss the way he once had someone who was genuinely interested in the things he had to say. The way Connor’s dark eyes used to look intently at Oliver even as Oliver talked about stupid things like work or a new TV show. God, Oliver missed those eyes. He could practically see them now. 

Shit.

He could see them now, because Connor had just walked in and accidentally made eye contact with Oliver before immediately looking away. 

Oliver’s heart began to race. What was Connor doing here? Connor didn’t even live in Philadelphia anymore. He had moved away soon after they had broken off the engagement. He had already dropped out of law school, and he made it especially clear to Oliver that he no longer had _anything_ here for him. He had said it in an accusing manner, emphasizing that he meant Oliver was no longer something worth staying for.

Oliver could still remember that night as vividly as if it were yesterday. The way he had begged and pleaded and apologized, and the way Connor had built a wall so high that he was downright cruel in return. In the following weeks, Oliver had called Connor’s phone repeatedly, until one day the phone line said it was out of service because Connor had apparently changed his number. Connor had disappeared from all social media too. He had simply cut off any possible way for Oliver to contact him and Oliver was sure he would never see him again. 

Except now he was standing at the front of this restaurant, less than 50 feet away. Some guy was wrapping an arm around his waist, and they were obviously here on a date. Oliver’s chest ached at that. Oliver knew Connor wouldn’t hesitate to move on to other guys, but he had selfishly been hoping that Connor would only move on physically. After all, Oliver had always been the exception to Connor’s commitment-free life, and in his imagined new life for Connor, Oliver had remained the only exception, with Connor simply going back to his promiscuous ways. 

But it had been 3 years after all. Plenty of time for Connor to grow up a little, or to find a new exception. So now Connor was on a date with another guy, and by the looks of the way they were acting, it wasn’t nearly their first one. 

Oliver watched as Connor turned and whispered something in the guy’s ear, who laughed and then nodded. Then they turned around and left the restaurant. Oliver wondered if it was self-centered to assume Connor had made up an excuse to leave because Oliver was here, but he supposed he would never know. 

Oliver turned and tried to focus on the guy in front of him again, but realized he no longer had the mental capacity to care about this date in the slightest, because Connor fucking Walsh was in town. 

“I’m so sorry, but I’m feeling really ill all of a sudden. I have to go. But I’ll call you?” Oliver interrupted the guys incessant talking, causing the guy to pause in shock, but then nod. 

“Sure, of course. I hope you’re okay.” 

Oliver put down some cash on the table to pay for half the bill, feeling bad about leaving the guy to pay for a date he was running out on. Then he turned around and left. He already knew he was never going to call this guy again. How ironic that Connor had turned into a relationship guy and Oliver had turned into the one that couldn’t commit. 

Oliver made it all the way to his car before he allowed himself to cry. He once again allowed himself to re-open the wounds he had slowly learned to bury over the past three years, and allowed himself to miss Connor, truly and deeply. 

Oliver had made a split second decision, and in that moment he had foolishly thought he was doing it to save their relationship. But if he had stopped to actually apply logic to his decision or if he had known that it would lead to this feeling he was feeling right now, he would never have done it. He would have kept his mouth shut so that he could be the guy wrapping an arm around Connor right now and laughing at whatever Connor was whispering. 

Oliver figured that aside from that brief glimpse of Connor at the restaurant, he would surely never see him again, but it happened again the very next day. Oliver was camped out at a local cafe, trying to get some work done, when the door jingled and Connor and his new boyfriend waltzed in. 

Oliver swallowed and quickly looked down at his computer. He refused to be caught staring at Connor this time. He cursed himself for still coming to all of the same places he used to come to when they were dating. The places that had become their favorites. Because now it meant that Connor was clearly showing those favorites to his new guy, so even in a city as large as Philadelphia they somehow managed to run into each other twice in two days. 

“Hey.” 

Connor’s voice cut through Oliver’s thoughts like a sharp knife, and he jumped and nearly knocked his laptop onto the ground. He looked up to see Connor standing only a few feet away, looking directly at him. Now that he was up close, Oliver felt thrown off looking at him. He still looked pretty much the same, but for some reason everything about him seemed so unfamiliar now. 

“I would say long time no see, but I think I saw you last night. At Moretti’s?” Connor asked with his trademark smirk. 

Oliver took a second to process the fact that Connor was standing in front of him trying to make casual conversation. “Yeah,” he finally stammered. 

“Cute guy,” Connor said, and Oliver wondered if he was imagining the slightest hint of jealousy to Connor’s tone. He almost certainly was, but if he wasn’t, he definitely wasn’t going to admit that it was just a shitty first date. 

So instead he just cleared his throat and changed the subject. “What are you doing back in town?” he asked, his voice coming out only a little more confidently than it had before. 

“Michaela’s getting married, so I decided to make a trip out of it and show Ty around the city.” 

Oliver glanced over at the guy Connor had walked in with, who was currently ordering drinks at the register, and assumed that must be Ty. 

“Oh, cool,” Oliver said dumbly. He didn’t know what else there was to say, and the longer he sat here the larger the knot in his stomach grew. 

An awkward silence stretched on for a moment. Then Connor glanced back at Ty. “It looks like our coffee is ready. I’ll let you get back to work, I just wanted to say hi. You look good, Ollie.” 

Oliver’s heart clenched at the old nickname, but he managed a half smile back at Connor. Connor acted like he wanted to say something else, but seemed to change his mind and turned to walk back to Ty. He took the drink from his hand with a smile before they walked out together. 

Oliver shut his laptop and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather himself, before he put it away and stood up to leave. There was no way he would be able to get any work done in this cafe ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

The very next day, Oliver had the pleasure of running into a completely different Connor. A drunk Connor.

He had stupidly gone to get a drink at his favorite bar, because really, what were the odds of running into Connor a third time? He walked in the door and walked up to the bar, but before he could order anything, he heard yelling from the back corner of the building.

“Look at you, you’re fucking wasted! What the hell is going on with you lately?” the voice yelled, and Oliver turned around to see Ty screaming at a very drunk Connor. “You know what, nevermind. I’m going back to the hotel. Don’t find me until you’re sober,” Ty spat, before turning on his heel and leaving. Connor just slumped over into the chair he was sitting on.

Oliver sighed, and waved away the bartender that had just shown up to take his order. He hesitated for a moment but then walked over to Connor. Unlike Ty, he was not willing to just leave him there in that state.

“Hey, do you want a ride somewhere?” he asked gently, putting a hand on Connor’s shoulder. It was such a small touch, but it was the most contact he’d had with him in over 3 years and it felt incredibly awkward. He slowly removed it again.

Connor looked up at him with unfocused eyes and smiled. “Ollie!” he slurred.

“Come on, my car’s outside.”

Connor made to stand, but he nearly tripped over the table as he was getting up. Oliver reached out to steady him, and then put Connor’s arm around his shoulder as he half-dragged him to the door.

“You’re still nice,” Connor mumbled as they staggered to Oliver’s car. “I’m drunk, but you’re still nice. You’re so good.”

Oliver ignored Connor’s drunken rambling and dumped him into the passenger seat of the car, before circling around and getting in himself. He was trying not to think too hard about Connor’s inebriated state. Clearly it was a pattern and one Ty was not happy with, but Oliver tried not to wonder how bad it was or how long it had been going on or what kind of life Connor lived now. It wasn’t his place anymore.

“Where is your hotel?” he asked Connor.

Connor shook his head. “No. Ty said no ‘cause I’m drunk,” he mumbled in a childlike voice, as though he was six years old and explaining to an adult why he got in trouble.

Oliver sighed and started the engine, hoping to get the car to heat up against the chilly outside air. “I can take you to Michaela’s,” he offered.

“Michaela lives with her fiancé. They’re getting married tomorrow,” Connor slurred.

Oliver bit back another sigh, trying to hide his annoyance at trying to get a coherent response out of a wasted Connor. “Where do they live?” he asked, trying to be patient. He was regretting getting involved at all, but now that he had, he just needed to get Connor somewhere, so that he could say he didn’t leave him abandoned.

“I’unno.” Connor muttered, falling sideways until his head was pressed into the passenger window.

“Okay, well where do you want to go, Connor?” Oliver asked firmly, his voice carrying an edge of annoyance now. He knew it was pointless to get frustrated with someone when they were this drunk, but he couldn’t help it.

Connor mumbled something inaudible.

“What?” Oliver asked.

“I don’t want to be here,” Connor slurred.

“Well then tell me where to take you,” Oliver pressed.

“I hate Philadelphia.”

Oliver clenched his jaw. He wasn’t willing to listen to a drunken Connor to confess how much he needed to stay away from this city and everything in it, including Oliver. He’d already heard this speech once, he didn’t need to hear it again unfiltered.

“Okay, I know where Asher lives, so I’ll just take you there.” Oliver muttered, putting the car in reverse and looking around to pull out of the lot.

“No!” Connor yelled, far louder than what was necessary in the car, but he was drunk so he apparently had lost volume control.

Oliver ignored him and turned out onto the main road. He was out of patience for Connor’s drunken antics. He had just been trying to get a drink after a late night at work, and instead he had to deal with this.

“No!” Connor yelled again. “No!” He was practically screaming now, and then there were drunken hands flailing and grasping at Oliver’s steering wheel. Oliver reacted quickly, shoving Connor away and then carefully pulling off onto another nearby parking lot.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Oliver hissed. “I’m not dealing with this. Where do you want to go?”

Instead of answering, Connor’s face scrunched up like he was in pain. “I can’t,” he whispered, and it sounded like he was talking to himself more than to Oliver. “I can’t be here. I can’t see them again.”

Oliver’s breath caught slightly. He wanted to be angry at Connor, but he was once again filled with guilt as he was reminded that this place and it's memories got under Connor’s skin in a way that he would never understand. Apparently coming back here wasn’t faring so well on Connor’s mental state, judging by Ty’s angry words in the bar and Connor’s current drunken confessions.

“You have to go somewhere, you can’t just sleep in my car,” Oliver said gently. He hesitated again, questioning whether or not he should ask the next question, but deciding that he didn’t really have many other decent options. “Do you want to stay on my couch?”

Connor didn’t answer, but he didn’t scream or protest, so Oliver waited another second before he tentatively pulled the car out onto the road again. Connor just remained slumped against the window, his face still scrunched up and letting out a few small hiccups.

Oliver drove all the way to his place with knots in his stomach, and he couldn’t believe this was his life right now. He grimaced when Connor’s hiccups turned into dry heaving, and prayed that he wouldn’t puke in his car. When he got home, he went around and dragged Connor out of the car and up the steps to his apartment, where he led him to the couch and then went to grab him some water from the kitchen.

“Drink this,” he said firmly as he put it on the table in front of Connor. Connor stared at it defiantly for a moment as he swayed, but then he reached forward and grabbed it and swallowed a few sips.

Oliver went to grab a pillow and blanket for Connor, but when he came back out, Connor was already passed out on the couch. Putting the items down on the armrest, he maneuvered Connor into a position where he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit. Then he went back to his own room to crawl into bed. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to sleep at all while knowing that Connor Walsh was currently only a few feet away on his couch, after all this time spent thinking he’d never see him again.


	3. Chapter 3

Oliver was just finishing putting his tie on for work when he heard Connor groan from the living room, meaning he was finally awake. Oliver paused. Half of him had been hoping Connor wouldn’t wake up until after he was already gone, so as to avoid the awkward morning that was about to occur. But the other half was burning with curiosity and an emotional masochism of missing Connor and wanted another chance to talk to him. 

He waited where he was, wanting to see if Connor was going to run out of the apartment or not. But a few moments later, he heard tentative steps and then saw Connor peer his head around the door. Oliver gave him a small nod of acknowledgement.

“I really have to pee,” he muttered hoarsely. Of course, Connor didn’t know this apartment. Oliver hadn’t been willing to stay in the old one after the breakup. It was too hard. Oliver pointed to the bathroom door, and Connor shuffled past him guiltily and looking incredibly hungover. 

“I have to admit, this is not where I was expecting to wake up,” he said when he came back out a couple minutes later. He scratched the back of his head. “Care to fill me in on how I got here? The details are a little fuzzy.”

“Yeah, well, getting completely shitfaced will do that to you,” Oliver muttered. He had suddenly changed his mind. He had no desire to talk to Connor and Connor had no right to be re-invading his life like this.

Connor hesitated at Oliver’s tone. “You’re angry.” 

“Nah, I’m delighted by the fact that I had to drag your drunk ass here, even after you almost killed me in my car last night,” Oliver retorted. 

“Look, whatever happened last night, I’m sorry. I appreciate you letting me stay here,” Connor said calmly, but his composure only irritated Oliver more. 

That was all Connor had ever done when they were together too. He would show brief glimpses of intense emotion, such as a breakdown in Oliver’s hallway, and then fall back into all of his walls. It had literally driven Oliver crazy, driving him to the point of making the reckless decision that ending up breaking the relationship altogether. But the difference now was that Oliver didn’t have to put up with it anymore. 

“I have to go to work. Just leave the door unlocked when you leave,” Oliver said as he moved to walk past Connor and out of the bedroom. 

“Ollie, wait, please,” Connor called out after him, and it sounded just desperate enough to make Oliver pause. 

“Where do you work?” Connor asked once Oliver had turned around to look at him. 

Oliver blinked. “What?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know anything about you anymore. I was just wondering where you work now.”

Oliver contemplated. He could tell Connor was stalling and didn’t want him to leave, but he had no idea why. It would be so much easier to just let him walk out and go back to their own separate lives. Oliver’s curiosity got the better of him, though, so after a moment of just staring at Connor, he answered. 

“For a local private investigation agency.”

Connor grinned a little. “Sounds right up your alley. Do you enjoy it?”

Oliver resigned himself to the conversation. “Yeah. It’s mostly investigating whether or not someone’s spouse is cheating or tracking people down that owe other people money, but it’s better than my old job.” 

Connor nodded, and then fidgeted awkwardly. It was clear he didn’t want to leave for some reason, but was out of things to say. 

“Where do you work?” Oliver asked, mostly to fill the awkward silence. 

“A small law firm in New York. It’s employment law, but I figured I could use something a little less exciting than criminal law.”

Oliver titled his head in surprise. “So you…” he trailed off, suddenly realizing this was dangerous territory because it involved bringing up the law school thing.

But Connor wasn’t phased. “I took a year off, and in the meantime I applied to NYU,” he explained. 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Oliver responded, and he genuinely meant it. It was a relief to know Connor hadn’t sabotaged his entire legal career after all. 

Connor smiled again. The tension in the room was palpable, and as much as Oliver loved feeling extremely uncomfortable in his own apartment while having a fruitless conversation, he actually did have to go to work. He tried to move things along.

“You have a wedding to get to, right? Do you need a phone to call your boyfriend?” 

Connor noticeably flinched at the words before shaking his head timidly, and Oliver suddenly remembered how freaked out and upset drunk Connor had been last night. 

“Is everything okay, Connor?” he asked gently. “Are you okay?” 

Connor shrugged, but couldn’t meet his eyes. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you’re drinking, for starters.”

Oliver could’ve sworn Connor looked broken for a moment, but in an instant his face was immediately back to his normal mask of composure and Oliver knew that he had already lost the brief window for a real conversation. 

“Everything’s fine. You’re right though, I have to get going,” Connor said casually, making his way towards the living room. 

Oliver nodded numbly. He wasn’t a stranger to this deflection game, and he knew there was no use in trying to push it. Especially not now, when they weren’t anything to each other anymore. He had to remind himself that they were only weirdly crossing paths temporarily and that there was no purpose to having this conversation. 

“Have fun at the wedding,” he responded politely, as he followed Connor to the door. He moved to open it for him, but before he could turn the doorknob, Connor’s fingers wrapped around his wrist. He paused and turned to find Connor standing extremely close. Suddenly there was a spark in the air that hadn’t been there before. 

“Ollie,” Connor said hesitantly.

Oliver just stared at Connor, frozen, waiting to see what Connor would do next. 

Connor slowly pulled Oliver’s hand off the door and stepped even closer. Oliver felt a shiver go down his spine and he bit his lip, more out of nervousness than anything else, but Connor’s eyes flicked down as he noticed it and suddenly he was leaning forward, and then their lips were connected. 

Oliver felt electricity flow through him at the kiss, and he instinctively responded to it before he could even process what was happening. Then everything quickly turned into desperate movements as they got caught up in the moment. Connor pushed him up against the door, and he grunted slightly at the rough and sudden impact on his back. Connor’s hand was still holding his wrist, and the other hand moved to grab the other wrist, lifting them both above his head and pressing them into the door, their breathing heavy and their bodies pressed right up against each other. 

Oliver had to focus extra hard and use every bit of willpower in him to finally turn his head away from Connor’s lips. 

“Connor, stop,” he gasped. Connor obeyed and released his wrists, letting them fall back down to his sides, and then stepped away from him slowly. 

“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that,” Connor muttered to the ground. “I guess I just didn't realize how much I missed you.”

“You have a boyfriend!” Oliver hissed, not sure whether he was more mad at Connor for cheating or at himself for the part of him that wanted it to happen.

“Fiancé,” Connor mumbled. 

Oliver's eyes widened. “What?”

Connor shrugged. “We’re engaged.”

Oliver took a breath as he tried to absorb that sudden punch of information. “Right,” he stammered. “Well, all the more reason why this is not okay.” 

Connor nodded, but his thoughts looked sad and far away. It was the kind of look that, years ago, would make Oliver crawl into Connor’s lap or wrap his arms around his neck and kiss him softly to get him to open up about whatever was bothering him. And right now, Oliver’s physical body was still reeling from the kiss, and was aching to touch Connor and feel Connor again. But even though his hostility softened, he kept his hands to himself. 

“Forgive me for saying this, but you don’t seem enthusiastic about it,” he said instead. 

Connor’s gaze snapped back to Oliver, looking defensive, but then he sighed. “Can I tell you something?”

Oliver nodded. “Sure.” 

“I’ve been running into you on purpose this week.” 

Oliver crossed his arms and shifted uncomfortably. “Excuse me?”

“The first time was an accident and that’s why I ran out so fast. But it rattled me, and being with Ty suddenly felt wrong. I decided I had to see you again to get it out of my system, and I went to the cafe I know you like to work at on weekends hoping I could talk to you. But instead of it helping me figure everything out, it just made it worse. So then I went to your favorite bar, and I guess I was really upset and confused, so I got a little caught up in my head and drank too much. I don’t know, I really thought I was happy with Ty until I saw you again and I - ” 

“Don’t you dare,” Oliver hissed. 

Connor fell silent and looked up at Oliver in shock. 

“You were the one that left me, Connor.” Oliver’s voice was low and angry. “You told me I wasn’t worth it and you cut me off from you completely. You’re not allowed to blame me for your unhappiness now. You’re not allowed to make me feel guilty, the same way you made me feel like our relationship failed because of me. Not when you were always the one that was incapable of letting me in.” Oliver was shaking from how upset he felt, and he noticed Connor flinch back at the words. 

“No, you’re right, I treated you like shit when we were together,” Connor muttered. “I wasn’t trying to blame you, I was just trying to say…” he shrugged helplessly. “I think I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Oliver closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening. For a long time, this would have been everything he wanted to hear. But now that he was actually being confronted with it, he could see everything more clearly and he could remember all dysfunction their relationship had involved, and it wasn’t nearly as easy as just falling back into Connor’s arms and living a happy ever after. 

“Can I tell you something?” Oliver echoed Connor’s previous question, with a dangerous edge to his tone. 

Connor nodded hesitantly. 

“About a year and a half ago, someone came into our agency and they wanted to hire a P.I. to prove that Annalise was winning her cases through illegal means.” He noticed Connor tense at her name, but he kept going. “I was asked to provide them with electronic records. Email, phone records, web history, stuff like that. But before I handed them over, I went back and covered up all the crazy shit that you guys used to do.” 

Connor was silent. He was clearly nervous, because he had to know where this was going.

“They dropped the case because they couldn’t find anything. But I could never stop wondering if I was doing the right thing or not."

Connor didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at Oliver.

“Go back to your fiancé, Connor.” Oliver’s voice was breaking now, and he turned to open the door again. 

Connor reluctantly walked out the door. Oliver closed it behind him, before slumping back against it. Now he was late for work, and his heart had been broken all over again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love in the comments you guys! I'm super glad you enjoy the story so far :)

Oliver was really and truly sure that would be the last time he’d see Connor, but lo and behold, when he came back from work Connor was sitting in the hallway by his front door. He scrambled up as soon as Oliver approached, and he was pale and shaking and his eyes looked red. He was dressed in a suit, so he must have come from the wedding, but his clothes and hair were both ruffled and he looked like a nervous wreck. 

“Hey,” Connor said, fidgeting erratically, and his voice shook slightly. 

“Hey…” Oliver responded cautiously. He instinctively reached a hand out to Connor’s shoulder, trying to steady him. He wanted to tell Connor that he shouldn’t be here, but Connor looked so out of it that he didn’t have the heart. Oliver wondered if he was strung out on drugs, for real this time. “Are you okay?”

Connor shook his head. “No, I…” he stammered, and his breath hitched.

Oliver warily eyed the rattled man in front of him. Even three years later, this situation felt way too familiar. He knew it was a bad idea to let this happen again. Hadn’t he learned his lesson after all this time? But his natural instinct was to help people and his heart ached with a desire to comfort Connor. 

Slowly he took his hand off Connor’s shoulder and hesitated for a fraction of a second, before placing it on his chest and feeling that his heart was racing uncomfortably fast. He brought the other hand up to Connor’s cheek and Connor immediately leaned into the touch. It was practically instinctive for Oliver, and he had missed this.

Connor drew in a shaky breath, his eyes searching Oliver’s. “Ollie,” he whispered. 

Oliver tensed as he realized what he was doing. Then he slowly withdrew his hands. As the contact ceased, Oliver’s walls quickly built back up, and he immediately took a step back from Connor. 

Connor looked away at the sudden distance and bit his lip before speaking. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but I was hoping we could talk,” he said quietly. 

Oliver stared back at him. “That depends on what you want to talk about.” 

“I left Ty.” 

“Connor,” Oliver’s voice warned, but Connor shook his head. 

“It wasn’t… I didn’t do it because of you. Coming back here just made me realize I was living a lie with him. He knows nothing about who I really am. It wasn’t reality.” 

Oliver didn’t respond, so Connor continued. 

“I’m going back to New York tomorrow, but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through. You deserved a lot better than that, and if I could take it all back I would.” 

Oliver felt tears prickling his eyes, but he blinked them away. “Thanks,” he said with a sad smile. It didn’t fix anything, but it was an apology he never would have thought he’d actually hear.

Connor lingered for a moment, as though he were waiting for Oliver to say something more, but at Oliver’s silence he nodded and turned to leave. Oliver couldn’t help but notice that he still looked like a complete wreck as he started to walk away, and all Oliver could think about was how he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life comparing all the guys he met to Connor Walsh. 

“Connor, wait,” he called out after him, and Connor turned around. “You don’t have to keep living a lie, you know.” 

Connor froze. 

Oliver’s heart was racing as he asked the next question. “Do you want to come in?” 

Connor looked torn at the question. Oliver was sure he was playing the same internal tug of war that Oliver had been struggling with these past few days. He was almost certain Connor was going to remember how bad things were at the end and decide to leave again. But to his surprise, Connor looked down at the ground and nodded. 

Oliver nodded back and slowly moved to open his apartment door, his whole body alight with nerves.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been away for awhile, because the series wasn't inspiring me. But I'm hoping Coliver gets interesting again soon, and in the meantime, maybe I'll try to start writing again.

Connor sat on Oliver’s couch, his hands fidgeting with the cup of tea Oliver had handed him. Oliver couldn’t help but smile a little at that. Connor had apparently not lost his nervous habits.

The air was thick with an awkward tension. Oliver was careful to maintain a safe distance from Connor, in order to avoid the seemingly magnetic force between their bodies. He wanted to talk to Connor. Catch up. But that was all right now. Connor had just broken off an engagement, and Oliver knew that anything physical would be part of Connor’s coping mechanism and nothing more. And Oliver’s heart would never recover from that.

“So,” Oliver started, trying to break the silence. “How’s Michaela?”

Connor looked up at him and gave a small smile. “Uh, she’s doing good. I think. You know…” he trailed off.

Oliver nodded. Connor had moved away shortly after breaking off the engagement, and everyone else in the group had gone their separate ways after law school to try to move on from all the chaos. But Oliver knew there was no getting over what they’d been through. And he had only experienced a fraction of what the others had. He imagined this reunion at the wedding was a tough one.

“How are you?” Oliver asked, his tone less conversational and more forceful.

Connor let out a humorless laugh. “I’ve been better.”

“Well you look good,” Oliver remarked. And it was true. Even with the red around his eyes from the breakdown Connor had been having at Oliver’s door, he looked healthier than when Oliver knew him. More alive, somehow.

Connor gave him his trademark smirk. “Yeah?” he teased.

Oliver felt a blush rising in his cheeks. God, this man could still rile him up so easily. Connor didn’t push it though. He could tell that Oliver was barely comfortable as it was. 

“I think I really needed to get out of this city,” he said more seriously. “It wasn’t good for me here. You know that better than anyone.” 

Oliver swallowed the anxious bubble that was rising in his chest, remembering that he was part of what Connor considered bad about this city.

“Connor, I’m sorry for the way things played out between us,” Oliver said. “I never meant to –“ 

“Stop.” Connor interrupted. “It wasn’t you, okay. I know what I said that night. I was cruel because I was angry, but it was misdirected. None of this was ever your fault. If anything, you should be the one to hate me for dragging you into that nightmare.”

Oliver shook his head. “Maybe there was just too much there. Maybe neither of us was at fault, we just picked up too much baggage along the way.”  
Connor was silent for a moment.

“Do you think that’s true?” he finally asked. “Do you think it’s just impossible for us to work?”

Oliver shook his head somberly. “I don’t know,” he sighed, acutely aware of how the conversation had suddenly moved into the present tense. 

Connor set down his mug of tea and turned toward Oliver, reaching out to grab his hand. Oliver tensed, but didn’t resist. Every bone in his body was screaming at him that this was a bad idea, but his heart ached for Connor.

“Ollie,” Connor whispered, rubbing his thumb along Oliver’s.

Oliver looked up into Connor’s dark eyes, which were watching him intently.

“Connor, we can’t,” Oliver said, trying to remain composed and firm, but his voice wavered.

Connor’s hand gave a light squeeze. Oliver felt it ache through his entire body.

“Ollie, I have never been able to stop thinking about you. I have never been able to let you go,” Connor confessed. 

Oliver’s chest tightened, because he knew the feeling. There were a million thoughts racing through his head. Doubts, fears, and hesitations. But also fond memories. All of the moments he held onto for the past three years. All of the love he had held in his heart for this man.

Suddenly, without even really thinking about what he was doing, he surged forward and captured Connor’s lips in a kiss.

Connor didn’t hesitate to respond, his hands coming up to Oliver’s neck to pull him in deeper. Oliver felt the same spark of energy that he’d felt in the last kiss. It was practically instinctual. Like this was just where he belonged. 

Connor was the first to pull away this time, but he lingered an inch from Oliver’s face before pulling back to look at him again. 

“I miss that,” Connor whispered.

Oliver just nodded, still breathless from the kiss.

“I’m going to go,” Connor said quietly.

“What?” Oliver gasped, his words starting to come back to him. He felt his heart sinking into his stomach, and with it a bitterness was starting to rise. Leave it to Connor to pull something like this and then just walk away.

But Connor smiled gently. “I have some loose ends I have to tie up,” he explained. “But I’m in town for a couple more days. I’d like to take you out to dinner tomorrow, if you’re willing.”

Oliver nodded. This could be a terrible idea, but he was incapable of saying no to it. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he smiled.


End file.
